Power Hour | Ep. 22 | When the Apology Never Comes

What do you do when the apology never comes?

In this episode of Power Hour, Pastor Ty and Pastor Kyle explores the biblical call to forgive even when the hurt is real, the wounds run deep, and the other person never makes things right. Discover why forgiveness is not excusing sin or pretending nothing happened, but releasing your right to revenge and trusting God with justice. Through Scripture and practical application, you'll learn how unforgiveness keeps us trapped in bitterness while forgiveness opens the door to healing, freedom, and peace. If you've been carrying hurt, resentment, or disappointment, this episode will help you take the next step toward freedom.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:10

What's up, everybody? We are back for another episode of Power Hour. My name is Pastor Kyle. I'm Pastor Kyle. And we got uh a really exciting one for you today. We are talking about um, I would say one of the one of the biggest things that can hold us back as Christians, one of the things that can uh put barriers in our life, that can make us stumble, that can uh create division, that can uh probably wreak the most amount of havoc uh than almost anything else. And we're gonna be talking about unforgiveness. So definitely not uh a light topic today, I'd say.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

It's funny to me that when Jesus would meet with his disciples, he'd talk about miracles, no problem, Jesus, preaching, no problem, Jesus, casting out demons, no problem, Jesus. The one thing that the disciples say, help us overcome our unbelief, give us more faith, yeah, was forgiving people. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? They're like, hey, miracles, Jesus, that's no problem. We can believe for that. But forgiving our enemies, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

It's it's one of those things that is so imperative because unforgiveness uh is the one thing that can keep us chained to our past more than almost anything else. Um, while forgiveness, I mean, uh, I know this firsthand. I think a lot of people have had to walk through forgiveness at some point in their life because we've all uh been hurt in some way, but forgiveness really it does open up this door to freedom. Uh so we we got a couple things to talk about and uh a few points. The first one is this, uh, and I would say this is probably the biggest one, is that we forgive because we have already been forgiven. I think my favorite verse is uh Romans 5 8. It says, But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Yeah, it even goes back to when we talk about the Lord's prayer, and Jesus teaches people to pray, forgive us as we forgive those that came after us. It's like it was a crucial part of Jesus' teaching that if we want to be forgiven, we've got to be people that forgive.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

That's right. No, that's that's so good. I mean, Ephesians 4, um, I think at verse 31, where it talks about be kind to each other, tenderhearted, uh forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Um, I think that's it's important to understand the the why behind our forgiveness, why we should forgive, uh, because it's not a it's not a natural tendency. It's not something that like you you look at two kids and they're fighting and one kid uh you know throws and hits the other kid in the face with the ball, like forgiveness isn't natural, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Yeah, I'd say it's not only not natural, like it takes supernatural power in order to continually do it. It's why Jesus, I think, commands us to pray, why the Bible continually talks about it, is it's it's not only not natural for us to forgive, but it takes it takes the real power of God to be able to move forward.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Yeah, no, that's that's so good. Um, you know, the the second thing I I was thinking of too going off of that is that forgiveness is it's as much of a decision as it's a feeling. You know, I think of Jesus on the cross, he says, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do. While he's saying that, the soldiers are down at his feet gambling over the few possessions he had left. Uh, Pastor Ty, what let me ask you, what does Jesus' example on the cross uh teach us about forgiveness?

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Yeah, I think that it teaches us that, you know, it's you're right, it's not, it's not an emotion, it's not a feeling. Yeah, it's something we have to decide. And I think honestly, decide many times over and over and over again.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

I think that if there was a common misconception about forgiveness, is I think a lot of people think when Jesus talks about forgiveness, he's talking about, you know, common days we'd say forgive and forget.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

We'd say, Oh, forgiveness is never holding those people responsible for anything they did.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

That's not forgiveness. That's not.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I don't know about you, but forgiveness for me is something very practical. It has nothing to do with emotions. Forgiveness for me is laying down your right to get even with somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

It's it's basically giving God the uh opportunity to exact justice.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

Exactly. And so, you know, you go little kids' terms, eye for an eye, they hit me, I'm gonna hit them. No, they hit me, but I'm choosing not to hit back. You know what I mean? Yeah, uh, I would say the big sin of today, uh, a lot of it's because of social media, people just feel braver than they would otherwise. Slander. Man, you you find out from so-and-so that so-and-so said something mean about you. What's the first thing you want to do? Say something mean about them. That's right. You find out they talk smack about you, you want to talk smack about them. And it's those moments that we're really deciding, are we gonna forgive? Because that's what forgiveness is, is it's saying, I'm not going to reenact justice, I'm not going to sink to their level, I'm not going to give them the punishment for their crime when it's my opportunity to do so. Has nothing to do with saying, well, then we've got to have restored relationships. It has nothing to do with, well, then I have to just trust them the next time. No, yeah, trust can be broken. Relationships can go unreconciled. Forgiveness is not uh is is not that. It's not just forgetting or or getting your emotions right. It's simply saying, I'm choosing in this moment to trust God with justice, not myself.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

And then a lot of times, it takes a lot of discipline too, because it overrides your natural emotions.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Well, and I think for many people, they confuse the fact that it's something you might have to do over and over and over again. You know, Jesus talked about how many times we have to do it, seven times seventy, you know what I mean? And so to me, there are have been many times in my life where I've had to choose to forgive multiple times. I've had to choose to forgive almost on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Yeah, yeah. It's something that um, I mean, it's not sometimes it's not even daily, sometimes it's over and over and over again. I mean, you think about the the people, they are literally driving nails into Jesus' uh hands and his feet. They hadn't repented yet. Uh, but Jesus is already on the cross praying for them for forgiveness. I think it's so uh easy for us to say, well, when someone changes, when they repent, when they ask for forgiveness, then if it's genuine, I will forgive them. But that's not what Jesus' example shows us. He says, Hey, regardless what they do, I want you to first and foremost forgive them. And it's not even a matter of like, hey, I think this would be good if you did this. Like you should, if if you can, if you can get to that point and get mature enough in your Christianity, Jesus says, then I want you to forgive. No, forgiveness is an act of obedience. The person who is uh holding on to unrepentance and bitterness, they are directly disobeying God in in every way. And I think one of the main reasons for that is kind of my my third point that I that I wrote down, and that is the fact that forgiveness releases you more than it releases them.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

No, that's that's so good. I I think of if I'm thinking of forgiveness, one of the greatest stories I think of is Joseph.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Sold into slavery by his brothers, they're jealous. He gets not only becomes slave, he's in prison for a decade of his life, like just really suffering. Yeah, rises to the top, becomes pretty much the most powerful man in all of Egypt, which at the time was like the central power of the world. So he's probably the most powerful man in the world at this point. Right. His brothers come in, not knowing who he has, he has every legal, what we would call a social, you know, an emotional reason to take every opportunity to be easy. He could do whatever he wanted. Yeah. And what does he say? He says, It's not my right to do this. He's like, God, he sees how God worked through things. Yeah, he chose to not only forgive, but to bless.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Man, that's that's so good. I think a Hebrews 12, 15, it says, look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God, and watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Pastor Ty, what are some ways that bitterness quietly affects our lives?

SPEAKER_00 9:20

Man, I'd say that I've met so many people that they don't even have to tell you that they're bitter, they don't have to tell you that they're they struggle with forgiveness. You just know. You just feel it.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

The way that they talk, their perspective on life, how pessimistic they are.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

It's like, man, are you you sure you're happy? Because you don't seem happy. Right. Man, you everyone knows those people. You avoid them, you don't like being around them. Man, I I love, I know many people like that. I love them to death. I don't want to spend time with them. Yeah. Because I don't want to become like that.

SPEAKER_02 9:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:49

Man, we all have opportunities to become like that if we're not careful. But I never want I never want uh there's an old uh proverb that I've like folklore proverb that I've heard before where it's like uh unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die. You know what I mean? Right. I I think of it like that so often is that we're all sitting there decaying. They've shown even how it affects your physical health because we won't let go of things and the other person doesn't even care. You know what I mean? Yeah, and so to me it's like, man, I'd rather live in freedom. I'd rather release it so I can move forward.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

I uh I agree with the sentiment that the best revenge you can have is just to move forward and live a blessed life.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Yeah. I mean, life is uh here in this earth, life is life is short, and uh I'm I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that uh God wants us to forgive for the simple point that He wants us to live the best life we possibly can. He wants us to be blessed in as many ways as we can. And you're right, when you see someone and they are uh they are dealing with bitterness and dealing with unforgiveness, and you can you can tell it's it almost becomes like uh their own identity, if you will, like um almost like a victimhood that they hold on to, and it becomes every part of them to the point that I think if someone then turned around and did ask forgiveness and did say, Hey, I'm sorry for this, I don't, I don't think they would understand what to do with it, how to how to react in one way or another. Because you're right, poison um bitterness is just this poison that just absolutely destroys every aspect of who you are. I mean, there's studies that that talk about stress. Like I'm in the process right now of getting in better shape and losing weight and getting fit. And one of the biggest things it talks about, like, yeah, you should eat right, you need to exercise, you need to drink water, you need to get good sleep. The fifth one that is on every person's list is where's your level of stress? And bitterness affects that stress more than anything else. It it takes over, uh, it takes over your entire way of thinking, your mind. Um, like I know I've I've had seasons where I had unforgiveness, and it's like I would go to sleep and I would uh wake up from a dream about the bitterness that I had and whatever the person would do, and I would wake up angry. Um, I would, you know, be driving a longer distance in my car, and you know, your mind just starts to wander if you don't have something to listen to. And I would find myself thinking about this situation, getting stressed out. Um it can be it can be really difficult and it can be come a really I would say deep pit, you know, uh that is really hard to get out of if you're if you're not comfortable. Yeah. My uh my last point that I wanted to write down, um, because I thought it was really important, is that forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation. Yes. I think that's a big thing that people that people don't understand. I mean, Proverbs 423, it says, do all that you can to live in peace with with everyone. Um, I mean, forgiveness, the good thing about forgiveness is it takes one person. You don't need multiple parties coming together. It's a decision that that you can make. It doesn't justify what they did. And I would encourage people not to necessarily forget as long as you are able not to dwell on dwell on what happened.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, I would say, I would say people refuse or confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. They're not the same thing. Yeah, and forgiveness is a choice that you can make then and there, like you said, by yourself, choosing like go. Reconciliation typically requires repentance from one or both parties.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And if one or both parties aren't willing to come together and say, hey, I'm not only sorry for what happened, but I'm so sorry I'm willing to change, yeah, reconciliation is possible.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

If both sides aren't willing to do that, unfortunately, I don't believe reconciliation is possible. But at all times, you as an individual can choose to forgive and be set free. Notice Jesus doesn't say, go and reconcile with everybody.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Jesus isn't going to reconcile with everybody when he comes again. But what we are called to do is to forgive and trust God with rest.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

So, Pastor Ty, as we close. What's one practical step that you could encourage someone listening today that they can take in their life to start pursuing forgiveness? Like maybe they look at what we talked about and they say, you know, maybe there is some bitterness, maybe there is some unforgiveness. What is a good piece of advice you can give someone moving forward to step out of that?

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Yeah, let me give you two. Sounds good. Remember and repeat. Remember what Jesus has forgiven you for. Remember what other people have forgiven you for. Remember that we all mess up and that we've been forgiven much.

SPEAKER_02 15:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Repeat means, man, start with something small. Forgive something your spouse, your kids, your you know, your friend did to you. As you go, you'll get like any muscle, like any discipline, you'll get better at it. Start small, work your way up. Start with easy things to forgive, then for be able to give for more. That's good. Maybe somebody smiles off to you and you say, you know what? I'm not gonna respond this time. Maybe somebody does something inconsiderate to you. Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic. Hey, you know what? I'm not gonna let them know what I think they're driving right now. You know what I mean? Start small, start easy, and work that muscle until you can build it up.

SPEAKER_01 16:08

No, that's really good. I think of the verse, uh Romans 12, 19, says, Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God, for the scriptures say, I will take revenge, I will pay them back, says the Lord. I think it's just important to remember that forgiveness becomes possible when we remember that justice is not being ignored, it's being transferred to a God who judges perfectly.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Yeah, I think that's so good. I think sadly, one of the misconceptions we get is people think that people that are quick to forgive are passive or weak. Yeah, just pushovers. And I'll tell you, man, true forgiveness is not passive. Yeah, true, true forgiveness is aggressive, and um it's not forgiveness if you have no power and you choose not to and you don't do anything. Forgiveness is having the power and choosing not to. Yeah, and so I would just say, man, one of the manliest, godliest things that you can do, that you can be, if you want to be strong, if you want to be like Jesus, is choose to forgive.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

Yeah, yeah, it's not easy to to forgive. I mean, the easiest thing to do is to do what everyone else does and to hold a grudge, hold on to unforgiveness, allow bitterness to form up. Um, you know, uh a lot of people that's like, yeah, I forgave them. Um, for some reason the world wants to look at that as as weakness. I would say it's the opposite. I mean, man, when you are giving your your burdens, you're giving your forgiveness to God, you're saying, Lord, he or she has hurt me in this way. Uh, they did this against me. And uh, but I'm I'm going to take that, I'm going to give that to you. I'm not going to try to get them back or to seek revenge. I'm going to allow you to exact your justice in this situation, wherever it may be. And in the meantime, I'm going to find peace in your son Jesus, and I'm going to find peace in that forgiveness. There's there's power with that. And and God promises that He will exact His His justice, He will exact His His revenge uh for those that come against His His children. And honestly, like, yeah, I can I can exact a lot of revenge, but I'll tell you what, it if I know that my Lord and Savior would rather do that, and I have him kind of sitting on the bench, wouldn't I want to invite him in and to give him that that final shot, if you will. Uh, it just it seems kind of like a no-brainer when you think about it like that. But hey, that's that's everything we got for today. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed uh this power hour. Um, we will be back at it again next week. So in the meantime, be blessed. And as always, be seeking the Lord and experiencing his hours.